Introduction to the Practice of Loving Presence
by Ron Kurtz and Donna Martin
The Practice of Loving Presence – Applied Buddhism
The Power of Loving Presence in Therapy
by Donna Martin
Loving Presence
is a state of mind, an attitude which provides the secure attachment
which is the basis for a healthy emotional life. It offers whatever
is missing from the person’s implicit reality based on their emotional
and relational history. When a person is with someone in loving
presence and perceives it, that person will take in the kind of emotional
nourishment they need and are ready to believe in and receive.
Loving presence offers to fill that need and will be recognized
differently depending on the person’s core beliefs. For example, the interpretation
of what loving presence means could be "You’re safe with me" or "I
won’t hurt you… judge you, leave you, laugh at you…" Or "you’re
okay just as you are", "I accept you, appreciate you, acknowledge
you, respect you, I’m not afraid of you, I hear you, I’m here
with you (for you)…"
Loving presence could be interpreted as saying "I’m interested in you… I value you… all parts of you are welcome… I welcome you."
Loving Presence,
to some, says "I’ll protect you, stand up for you, stand by
you…" or "I care about you, I care about how you feel,
I want to know how you feel… what you think…"
For
some, Loving presence might mean reassurance: "everything’s
going to be okay." Or comfort: "I’m touched and want
you to feel better."
Or joy: "I enjoy you… I like being with you… I’m
happy to be here with you."
Or it might say something about being calm: "I’m okay
with whatever happens here… I’m not upset."
Or service: "I’ll help you… I offer myself to you…"
The power of Loving Presence for the person experiencing it is
the full aliveness of being open to another’s beauty and strength,
to the human spirit with all its beauty and pain. It brings with
it the experience of compassion – of heart opening – a
spontaneous opening that happens effortlessly when we are able
to behold another’s suffering, vulnerability, or child-like
qualities.
The gift of Loving Presence is in the experience of being nourished
simply as a result of seeing another with appreciation, with a
willingness to be inspired, to enjoy the other person’s presence
as a blessing, to see the divine in them perhaps…
Loving Presence isn’t something we do. It emerges as a natural
state when we are calm, open, fully present, appreciative and relaxed — not
impatient, not efforting or acting in a role, feeling overly responsible
or worried or bored. It emerges as naturally as between a mother
and newborn child, between lovers, between friends.
It blossoms from an attitude or state of mind into a full-bodied
experience of joy.
